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Relationship Information.... from Heart-Links.com |
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Why Doesnt She Leave Him?It's very easy to look, from the outside, at another woman's unhappy relationship and ask: 'Why on earth does she stay with him?' It's especially easy if the man in question exhibits the subtle charm of Attila the Hun - or the social graces of Fat Bast*rd in Austin Powers. Some abusive men parade their hostility and prejudices as proudly as if they were merits. Others are utterly charming and engaging in the social context. And their partners' suffering is compounded endlessly by the incomprehension they meet with, when they finally decide to leave. "What him? No! I don't believe it!! He's so lovely.' Strange how mere onlookers should assume they know more than the women who have lived up close and personal with these Jekyll and Hyde figures. The question, where this group is concerned, is more likely to be: 'How could she leave him?' As if public charm was enough to guarantee their partner's physical and emotional sanity. Others, who lack the style of the true charmer, simply come across as oily creeps. In fact, there are no prizes for spotting Fat Bast*rd, Attila the Hun, or the Oily Creep, if you've never been wooed by him. If, on the other hand, for some reason, you have ever dropped your defences for more than a millisecond, these men will bamboozle you and bind you, in record time, with more chains than Harry Houdini ever had to cope with. They bind you first with the chains of love and sex, and the chains may - briefly - feel as light as garlands of flowers. They bind you, next, with jealousy, power, fear, children, money, isolation, humiliation and contempt. They bind you so tightly that the struggle to escape exhausts you fruitlessly. And each time you stop struggling, they tighten the chains; through further isolation, humiliation or exercise of power. Until the chains nearly asphyxiate you. And yet, women stay. They stay because they sincerely believe it is in their children's interest to have two parents. They stay because they don't know that it's not their fault. They believe that they are to blame for everything that has gone wrong in the relationship. They stay because they have been brainwashed into believing that they are loathsome and their partner is, in some way, admirable. They stay because they believe if they can't make their partner love them, nobody else ever will. They stay because they don't believe they deserve better. They stay because society is so ignorant about the true nature of domestic violence (be it physical or emotional) that they don't know where to turn to understand what is happening to them. They stay because they are desperate to be heard, even when they have lost their own voice. They stay because they have been blinded to reality and crushed emotionally by the relationship. And yet they can, and will, pick up the threads of their life. The timescale may not sit comfortably with the onlooker. But when you stop to think about the enormous emotional hurdles they must scale, it's no wonder it takes a while. Annie Kaszina Joyful Coaching An NLP Practitioner and Women's Empowerment Coach, Annie specialises in helping women heal the trauma of the past, so they can enjoy the present and look forward to the future. Email:annie@joyfulcoaching.com To subscribe to Annie's twice monthly ezine, or order her eBook 'The Woman You Want To Be, go: to http://www.joyfulcoaching.com
MORE RESOURCES:
Relationships - Google News | | | | RELATED ARTICLES Relationship Tune Up - 7 Key Points to Avoid a Break Up or Break Down "Every three months or 3,000 miles."That's how the sticker in the left upper corner of my windshield reads. Squashing the Gay Relationship Killer Known As Jealousy IntroductionYou might feel it when that hot stud across the room at the gym gives your lover "the look-over." You might experience it if your ex-boyfriends ever cheated on you and then you project it onto your current man. Great Relationship Advice: The Ability to Resolve Conflict Conflict in a relationship is both normal and painful. In working with couples I have found that it's the successful resolution of the conflict that strengthens the couple's bond and brings them closer together. Women Are Not Aliens One of the very worst mistakes a man can make with a woman is to believe that she's an alien creature of some sort. By this I mean that it's a mistake to view women from the stance that they are an entirely different sort of being in every way possible. The Spiritual Connection of True Romance In the springtime, with the flowers budding and the birds chirping as Mother Nature awakens from winter's sleep, the air is thick with pheromones. It's hard not to have romance on the brain. Relationship Advice: Words Can Hurt or Heal "Stick and stones, may break my bones, but words will never hurt me."Remember that little rhyme from childhood?It's wrong. Relationship Advice: Warning Signs of an Emotional Affair "But we're just friends" are four of the most dangerous words for your marriage.But over and over in my office and on the phone I hear it: "We are just friends, there is nothing going on. No More Lonely Weekends! How do you react when you are faced with spending another weekend alone because nobody has invited you to do anything with them?Do you mope around the apartment, hoping that the phone will ring, and wishing that somebody, somewhere, will call to invite you to do something?Just because no one has invited you to do anything with them, doesn't mean you have to spend your time alone feeling lonely, depressed or bored. You can actually make sure that you fill your spare time with activities that you really enjoy. Its Your Fault I Had An Affair! When you read it like that, out of context, you'd be hard pressed to believe that anyone would have the nerve to come up with it as a serious justification for infidelity. Yet film star Jude Law has, allegedly, used this astonishing piece of sleight of mouth to justify a recent fling with his children's nanny. Revenge - Serve It Cold! Whether you caught him in bed with the local bimbo, dumped him for being an uncaring twat or he's run off with a woman he met online, you're probably feeling angry, resentful and wanting revenge.Revenge may be sweet but before you dive in head first, ready to present Mr Up-For-Mongrel-Of-The-Year 2004 award with his well earned payback, take some time to consider the sour taste that humiliation, physical injury and a criminal record might leave. The 4 Stages of a Relationship 1. The Perfect Phase is the first three months. Abusive Relationships Abusive relationships are so painful that I often wonder why it takes so long for us to know that it is abusive, addictive love we are experiencing. The damage created by an abusive relationship only worsens over time, weakening the abused and giving the abuser more power. A Guide to Relationship Quizzes Sometime in the 1950's, women's magazines started publishing relationship quizzes in their pages with a complex scoring system that arrived at a number. This number was then plotted on a scale and the reader could determine, based upon that number, whether their relationship was "good" or not. Has The Magic Gone From Your Relationship? Kathleen and Dan have been together for several years now. At first it was magic and Dan was so romantic and attentive. Mental Abuse - The 7 Most Important Things To Know 1. Sticks and stones won't break my bones" - and words won't leave any measurable physical damage, but they will cause progressive, long-term harm. The Three Levels of Soul Mates From my own personal experience of being involved in certain relationships, I have come to realize there are three different levels of Soul Mates. We discussed Soul Mates in a previous article of mine, 'Soul Mates - Do they really exists" now we should keep our eyes open and pay closer attention to our relationships, in order that we might recognize those soul mates. What Keeps Couples Together There are several things you can do, especially when your relationship is loving and happy, to ensure that it remains this way for the long term. The first principle of a lasting relationship is your clear intention to preserve your mutual affection, respect and friendship. How to Handle Problem People: Life Lessons from a Balky Bovine Do you have people in your life that p? (make you angry)?You know the ones I'm talking about. It may be your child, partner, colleague, or boss. Here Come the Questions Why is it that even though I am not positive if I like a guy, because of course it's only been a week, that when he doesn't call for 3 days it becomes a dramatic incident, and all of a sudden its Fiona Apple time? There is no reason for him to not call; everything was fine last we spoke. With the time frame we are discussing here in the first place it shouldn't even phase me that a man decides to not call for 3 days, or possibly (gulp) never again. Say, Whats On Your Mind, Partner? Stan is an incurable romantic. Ever since he started courting Marge seriously, he has been sending or bringing her flowers. |
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