| |
| |
|
Happiness Information.... from Heart-Links.com |
|
Conversational Negative Self-TalkMost people don't even know they're doing it. Throughout the course of normal conversation, they bombard themselves with negative self-talk. Even people who are aware of the power of their words seem to miss some of the most commonly used derogatory comments that are made towards ourselves in the course of normal conversation. While plotting out goals and dreams we remember to stop ourselves from saying statements like "I can't," "I'm not good enough," or "I'll never be able to pull this off." However, it's the subtle little things that we say while on conversational autopilot that eats away at our self-confidence. How many times have you heard someone in a conversation admit that they were misinformed in the past saying, "Oops, I lied." Lying by definition is a deliberate and sometimes malicious intent to deceive another. If you were wrong, misinformed, or made a bad assumption, but honestly believed you were giving factual information at the time, then it was NOT a lie. You are not a liar. You did not deliberately deceive the other person. Do not use a negative term like "lied" to describe yourself. Say, "Oops, I misunderstood." "Oops, I made a bad assumption." Or, "Oops, I was wrong." Unless you actually did it on purpose, it's not a lie and you shouldn't call yourself a liar. It amazes me how many people say "I lied!" repeatedly during normal conversation as if they are habitual liars or something. It's a derogatory word. Don't use it unless you really meaning it. My daughter was telling me about a friend of hers that she was talking on the telephone with the other night. They were going over a tough homework assignment together. Every time my daughter's friend realized that she had written down the wrong answer, on autopilot she would say, "Oh, I'm stupid." Over and over without even realizing it, she kept calling herself stupid. She said it ten or fifteen times within an hour long conversation. Funny thing is this girl isn't stupid, she just thinks she is and acts accordingly. If she was my daughter, I'd make her quit saying that all of the time. My children were taught never to call themselves such things. My daughter's friend is really quite normal. I'm always hearing people say that or they'll say the equivalent, "I'm dumb" or "that was dumb" in reference to themselves. Stupid and dumb are interchangeable. Sometimes the negative comments are disguised as humor. "I'm just a stupid guy," "Oh well, what do you expect from a dumb blonde," or "I think my mom dropped me one too many times as a baby!" The fact that they feel a need to make excuses for themselves means that they have low self-confidence. It's a subtle and difficult pattern to break. A lot of people do it without noticing that they're even doing it. It's said with the same automatic presentation as the "Fine, thanks." That always follows "How are you?" I would recommend that you ask someone to help you with it. For example, in speech classes they will get on you for saying things like um, ya' know, or soooooo. These are fillers that we put into speeches to fill the gaps when we're nervous. We don't know we're doing it until we have someone point it out to us consistently. After awhile, the speech students begin to hear themselves and stop themselves from saying these filler phrases. I would recommend doing the same thing to help each other out of conversational negative self-talk. My daughter came home from school a couple of months ago and every other word was 'like.' Like there was this kid at school and like they were like so out of control! The teacher like had to like send them to the office because like they wouldn't sit down and like respect the class. I giggled to myself as I stood there fixing dinner and listening to her 13-year-old lingo. I asked her if she knew how much she was saying 'like.' She argued that she wasn't saying it. Just like a lot of people would argue that they aren't' guilty of negative self-talk. So, as she carried on her conversation for the next few minutes, I just said, "like" right after she did. Over and over, I'd just quietly say, "like" until we were both able to laugh together. She was quickly able to alter her speech patterns once she was forced into awareness. It can really be that simple. Offer to help your friend to overcome their automated negative comments by playing the same game with them. If they are guilty of saying a particular derogatory statement repeatedly, then offer to help them to break the pattern. If you can admit to yourself that you are one of those people who says negative things about yourself without even really thinking about it, then ask someone to help you to stop. You would be amazed at how quickly you can stop the behavior if someone will just make you take notice. Self-awareness is the key to ending negative self-talk. If you are too embarrassed to ask for help, or you don't have anyone that you would trust enough to help you, then you're going to have to make a huge effort to become more aware of the words you speak during casual conversation. It's much more difficult, but still doable. Imagine that the negative statements are cuss words. You wouldn't want to throw those kinds of words out around your boss would you? You wouldn't want to use them around children would you? You wouldn't use them around your grandma would you? Attach the same 'no way!' attitude to those negative self-talk statements. Start really listening to yourself. There's really no need to beat yourself up when you catch yourself rattling off these statements, just take notice and make a promise to yourself that you'll stop. Keep noticing, until you do stop. Copyright 2004, Skye Thomas, Tomorrow's Edge About The Author Skye Thomas is the CEO of Tomorrow's Edge, an Internet leader in inspiring leaps of faith. She became a writer in 1999 after twenty years of studying spirituality, metaphysics, astrology, personal growth, motivation, and parenting. Her books and articles have inspired people of all ages and faiths to recommit themselves to the pursuit of happiness. After years of high heels and business clothes, she is currently enjoying working from home in her pajamas. To read more of her articles, sign up to receive her free weekly newsletter, and get free previews of her books go to www.TomorrowsEdge.net.
MORE RESOURCES:
Happiness - Google News | | | | RELATED ARTICLES Things To Do To Beat The Blues As moms we all tend to get the blues, we are always running here and running there. It is very important to take time for you!Being a mom there is so much pressure not just from the outside but from what we put on ourselves also we all need to learn to take a break once in awhile and be able to revive our body and soul in order to be all we can be. Letting Go of Anger and Awaken to Lifes Grand Aventures Anger can make us feel good and enlivened for a little while. When we are angry we are often feeling self-righteous, critical, judgemental and we have someone to blame for our own problems. Choose Happiness It's a beautiful spring day in Beverly Hills, California. I'm looking out my window at elm trees in full leaf and roses in full bloom, and thinking about the people who helped me get where I am today. Happiness What is happiness? If we mean by it a state of fulfillment, when everything is going our way, in terms of results as well as efforts (which requires a providential combination of pluck and luck), then it cannot simply be willed; it is partly, if not largely, a gift of fate.Having said this, even this sort of happiness is a product of positive thinking and positive action, with good fortune lending a helping hand. Growing Up Backwards It seems like I set out in this life to do things my own way and in my own time - no matter what was wise or prudent or tried, tested and true. And, regardless of the advice I give my own daughters, I continue to 'grow up backwards. Healthy, Wealthy and Happy in 2005 Life is simple. You'd be surprised to know that most of the cherished things in life are almost at arm length and not too expensive either. Colors: How Do They Make You Feel? One of the most important colors in advertising is the color blue. Calm, comforting, soothing, and peaceful are all feelings evoked from this color. The Underestimated Power of Kindness It was a bright Saturday morning in the late fall. I had stopped at a cafe' to enjoy a cup of coffee and scan the morning newspaper. Living a Balanced Life - The Real Juggling Act I just read an installment from another self-improvement course that states that celebrities are unhappy because they don't have gratitude for what they have. I disagree. Tap Into Wellness - the Secret Self Help Tool Your Doctor Doesnt Want You To Know About Everyone has issues with self esteem. It's no wonder then that bookstores have entire sections devoted to it. Sunny Days Are Here To Stay Yes, this is correct. Sunny Days are here to stay, that is, if you want them to be. Body, Mind, and Soul Being in tune with your mind, body, and soul and how they work is the one most important thing you can do for yourself. We know now that, the three work together. It's Good to be Goofy To paraphrase a saying my mother liked to use occasionally, "The whole world is goofy - except you and me. And sometimes I'm not too sure about you!"Rest assured that no matter who we are or what we do, there is at least a handful of people somewhere in this world who are convinced that we're not rowing with both oars in the water. Have Fun, Make Friends, Be Happy I always marvel at the way people shine when they break through a roadblock in their lives. It's brilliant and it's also incredibly attracting. Choosing Happiness Did you know that it's up to you?It's actually your choice.You can choose to be happy instead of waiting around for it to suddenly appear out of nowhere one day and land in your lap. The Great Opportunity I assume you want to be happier. Searching for greater happiness is a wonderful thing whatever level of happiness you are currently at. Can Existential Therapy Give You a Sense of Wellbeing? My journey to becoming a therapist began with a desire to develop greater significance in my life and improve the quality of my relationships. Having worked as an organisational psychologist for many years, my work increasingly involved coaching senior managers in the art of managing their organisations. Choose To Be Happy What if I told you that you have the ability to decide if you are happy or not. You would probably say that I'm crazy. The Year Of Happiness I have decided to declare 2004 as the YEAR OF HAPPINESS for me. What about you? Yes, you can also do so! Anyone living in any part of the world has the right to be happy and enjoy every moment of his/her life. How Can I Tell What Vibes Im Sending Out? The Law of Attraction exists in your life right now; whether you understand it or not, whether you know it or not, and whether you like it or not.Until you learn to use the Law of Attraction in a deliberate way, most of the time you are not aware that you are attracting into your life-more of-whatever you are giving your focus, attention, and energy to. |
| home | site map | Heart-Links.com Site | Start Your Online Business for Just $8.95 |
| © 2006 |
.jpg)