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Divorce Information.... from Heart-Links.com |
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Surviving Life After DivorceAfter divorce, the most important thing you can do is to move forward sensibly. Here are ten steps to help you on your way back to a fulfilling life. 1. Think single. As obvious as it may seem, you're no longer one half of a couple and that can take some getting used to. After all, life as a single woman is very different to the life you've been leading for a major part of your life. Take time to understand the changes that are happening in your life and don't expect it to be easy. 2. Remind yourself that it's ok to be single. In a society where single women are often looked down at by their married peers, they can easily find themselves believing that they're failures; that "real" women are involved in loving, lasting relationships. That simply isn't true. More and more women are choosing to remain single, or to break out of unfulfilling relationships, something which shows strength rather than weakness. Surviving means believing in yourself and your capabilities as a single woman. 3. Don't try to get even. No matter how angry you are at your partner, even if he's been unfaithful to you, don't try to get your own back. You'll just end up exhausting your personal energy on something that isn't going to be the least bit fruitful. It certainly won't get him back but the bitterness will most likely stop you from moving on. You don't deserve that, so don't do it! Try to approach your anger in a sensible manner, one that will constructive in helping you back to a healthy, emotional state of mind. Writing down exactly what is making you angry and why can often help you to understand and deal with your feelings. Find a friend who'll listen and tell her how you feel. Anger needs an outlet, but revenge isn't a healthy way of venting it. 4. Accept that the relationship is over. When you're living alone and your partner has moved on, it should be easy to accept that it's over. Unfortunately, this is something that a lot of women have problems with. You may find yourself making excuses to visit him by forgetting things at his place or needing to discuss something trivial regarding the children. Don't crowd him. Talk to him when you need to, visit if you must, but be polite, keep your distance emotionally, and accept that you now lead separate lives. The sooner you accept this, the sooner you will be able to find happiness again. 5. Don't live in the past. No doubt you've got some great memories from your time together, you would never have stayed together as long as you did if there were never any good times. Remember them by all means, but don't dwell on them. If you find yourself wishing that everything could be "like that" again, give yourself a mental slap and remind yourself that there are some fantastic moments waiting for you in the future and that the past is nothing but a memory. You can learn from it but you can't change it or return to it. It's over. Gone. The future is what you should be thinking about now! 6. Don't drown yourself in guilt. You've probably said a few things that you didn't mean and now regret but you can't change that now. By all means apologise to your ex if it'll make you feel better, but don't expect your apology to change anything. Forgive yourself and learn from your mistakes. 7. Re-discover yourself! How much of yourself did you give up during your relationship? Did you find yourself bending over backwards to satisfy your partner? Now is the time to start living for you! Doing the things that make YOU happy will increase your self-confidence. Get a new hair-cut, re-arrange the furniture, enrol on a course. Do anything you like, but do it for YOU. 8. Sort out your finances. Your financial situation is bound to have changed and it's important that you know exactly how much you have coming in. It's easy to start over-spending while you're wallowing in your self-pity. A little extra indulgence here and another there; it's easy to fall into the trap so don't be tempted. Getting yourself into debt will just make your life as a single woman unnecessarily difficult. If your income is low (or non-existent) contact Social Services Benefits Advice Service or your local Citizens Advice Bureau. They will have somebody available to assess your needs and help you claim any benefits that you may be eligible for. 9. Don't become lonely. You may have found that your "couple friends" no longer invite you over or that your married friends don't have the time to do the things you suggest. Don't panic. This is perfectly normal and as time passes you will gradually find new friends. Whatever you do, be positive when you are with others as positive people always attract more friends. When you meet new people, they don't want to listen to "doom and gloom". They don't know you yet and will probably find it difficult to be sympathetic to a complete stranger. Be cheery and make them smile, people will remember and like you for that. 10. Don't get involved on the rebound! We've all heard it, but when you meet "that" guy, it's so easy to forget. Keep your dates light and remember that there is a broad line between getting to know a person and bonding a close, intimate relationship. Don't try to jump that line, it's there to be crossed slowly. When you try to cross it too quickly you'll be forcing the relationship and forced relationships rarely last. Yes, I know there are some whirlwind romances that have survived the test of time, but those are the exception, rather than the rule. I've been married, single and a live-in partner. All sorts of relationships have their good and bad sides. When you're single you might yearn for the stability of marriage; when you're married you may envy the freedom of your single friends. Whatever happens, whether you choose to remain single or forge a new relationship, don't keep comparing your life with that of your friends. You're unique - your life is exceptional! Enjoy it! About The Author Sharon is a freelance writer living in South Cheshire, England. Having been through both a divorce and the breakdown of a long-term relationship, she understands what's involved in the aftermath. To contact Sharon or to learn more about her work, please visit http://www.sharon-jacobsen.co.uk
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Divorce - Google News | | | | RELATED ARTICLES Should I Get Divorced? Or Not? No one besides you can determine whether or not a divorce is right for you! But, there are some general questions which pretty much apply to everybody. Thinking about the following issues may help you answer this question for yourself!What specifically is making you think of divorce?Physical AbuseIf your spouse is violent to you and/or your kids, this is a safety issue. Anatomy of a Divorce: How it Really Works The legal divorce vs. your real divorce The legal divorce has very limited concerns: to get a judgment of divorce, you have to make arrangements for your property, your children, and support (if any). Alienation of Affection - Interference with marriage can cost big bucks in North Carolina Non-lawyers are often surprised to learn that a spouse can sue for money damages in North Carolina based on allegations of emotional harm caused by a third party to the marital relationship. These lawsuits for "alienation of affection" and/or "criminal conversation" are usually brought by the innocent spouse against the guilty spouse's lover; but an alienation action may also be brought against someone like an in-law or other near relative who has advised a defecting spouse to leave the marital relationship. Divorce--How the Legal System Works Against You If there were no legal system, no lawyers and no courts, divorce would still be difficult and it would still take time to go through it. Divorce is at least a major crossroad in your life, maybe even a full-blown life crisis. Reasons For Divorce; What Constitutes Viable Reasons For Thinking About Or Wanting A Divorce? According to the Center for Disease Control's National Vital Statistics Report of 2002, 50% of first marriages ended in divorce and 60% of remarriages end in divorce. But, the Center for Disease Control also found that 96% of Americans express a personal desire for marriage, and almost three-quarters of Americans believe marriage is a life long commitment. Guide To Reducing The Cost Of Divorce Seven Tips to help you keep more of your money at a time when you especially need it to support two households instead of one.Educate yourself. Tax & Financial Impacts of Divorce: 10 Mistakes to Avoid Divorce is something no one hopes will happen to them when they get married. Unfortunately, almost half of all marriages end in divorce. Five Christmas Survival Tips For The Divorced & Single Parent For the over 50% of marriages that end in divorce, Christmas can be a hugely trying time.Since the season is one of the most stressful times of the year anyway, this onslaught of raw emotion to the divorcee can be overwhelming. Child Support: 5 Key Things Every Parent Should Know There is no magic solution to getting issues surrounding child support resolved. Most parents know that when dealing with the bureaucracy tied to the child support system persistence, persistence, persistence is the key that opens the door. Joint Bank Accounts and Divorce Here are some useful tips on joint bank accounts and divorce. If you've recently been through a divorce - or are contemplating one - you may want to look closely at issues involving joint bank accounts. Spare Your Kids To 7 Most Distressful Divorce Parenting Situations What 7 most distressful situations to kids that divorced parents should avoid? Learn them to spare your kids from the painful consequences.1. Things To Consider When Making A Decision About Divorce When making a divorce decision, there are quite a few things that you should consider. Too often people find themselves unable to clearly identify what they need to think about when making a divorce decision which leads to further indecision and frustration. Divorce: Coping With The Family Law Process The EmotionsDivorce is a scary, lonely and misunderstood process for most people, particularly when there are children involved. The mutual friends enjoyed during the marriage may not be of help because those individuals may not want to "pick a side. How To Identify What The Question Should I Get a Divorce? Means To You Deciding about whether you should get a divorce or not is an agonizing experience to go through. If you are asking yourself "should I get a divorce?", you've been thinking about your relationship's state for a while or an isolated incident (an example is an extramarital affair) that occurred was so terrible, that you want to just chuck it all and start over with a new life!If you have been asking yourself "should I get a divorce?" for any length of time, you should figure out what is making you feel that way if you haven't already. Deciding On Spousal Support No matter which side you are on, spousal support is something that will need to be taken care of during a divorce. Something must be decided about spousal support, yet, where are you to begin? What are you going to do to resolve this issue of spousal support? Are you afraid to ask for what you already know you deserve, support? Or, are you on the other side, wondering what is going to be required of you as far as spousal support goes?What is spousal support? Who is entitled to spousal support? Spousal support is support given in the form of money or possessions that helps to support a spouse after a divorce. Divorce: How To Survive A Divorce And Move On With Your Life One out of every two marriages in America is failing.American families are crumbling and vanishing. Divorce and Children: Things To Consider When Youre Staying Married Only For Your Children All children are different and respond differently to divorce. Depending on the characteristics of the children - age, emotional maturity, happiness, resiliency to trauma - the easier or more difficult it will be for children to weather a divorce. Cheating Husbands - Meeting Needs? Husbands cheat on their wives for many reasons. They could be bored with their lifestyle and feel that they need to do something exciting or they could be having a midlife crisis. How to Recover From Divorce As a licensed mental health professional, I work with many individuals, couples, and families who are affected by divorce. I have developed this list of survival strategies for people who are experiencing divorce. Divorce and Separation - A Child's Perspective It is always the children that suffer the most when a marriage breaks down and separation or divorce is imminent. Children of divorcing parents often witness arguments even rows and this has a strong effect on any child. |
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